Dummies guide to women

The fairer sex has always been a mystery to men. And although it is interesting to see men flounder while trying to establish a relationship of any sort, I thought it would be nice this week to give all you guys out there a little heads up on what the world of women is like.

Women always have the last word in an argument, even when you think you had the last word listen to the deafening silence to understand that she did indeed have the last word.

To women, talking is like breathing. They are extremely bad secret keepers and need to share a secret you told them to just one more person who has been sworn to secrecy as well. So if Saddam wanted the world to know he had no WMD all he had to do was tell Mrs. Hussein and the chain would have reached Laura and then finally good ol’ Dubya would have known what the world already did.

Women are walking talking lie detectors; we can detect insincerity in thoughts, actions or gestures as well. We just pretend not to notice to avoid conflict.

Women need at least two hours to dress up for a two hour movie, even though they know its going to be dark in the theatre. Five minutes in a woman’s world is equivalent to half an hour - real time.

Women need other women’s disapproval more than they need men’s approval. If Miss A dislikes Miss B is wearing then Miss B knows she is looking good. This is one of the first things women do when they enter a party or a nightclub – size up the competition. Reason – we rate ourselves the way men do – on a scale of 1 to 10.

There is no right answer to the question – Do I look fat in this dress? Remember what I said earlier about lie detectors - leave the answering to her gay best friend like in Will and Grace. Somehow fairies have all the luck.

There are more colours in world other than – blue, grey and white and whatever the colour is – women will know its name. We know the difference between eggshell white, ecru white and off white and believe me they are all different colours.

Women don’t go to the powder room just to powder their noses but to also get the lowdown on the latest gossip in party i.e, whose husband is flirting with whose wife and to bitch about the food/décor/hostess take your pick.

Women need validation. Be it clothes, health, food, self-esteem, cosmetics or sex. And they need that validation from everyone. Women can’t stand it if one person in a crowd of 100 doesn’t like them. It annoys them like an ant annoys the elephant and till the ant is either befriended or crushed, the elephant cant be at peace.

Shoes are a woman’s reason to live. Buy her that beautiful pair of Manolo Blahniks and watch her pirouette with pride. I guess it makes us feel like Cinderella. And when Cinderella has the shoe and is happy – she makes sure the prince is happy as well, if you know what I mean *wink *wink *nudge *nudge.

For more in depth analysis of the female psyche join me - same place same space.