Dating and Divorce - the truth

“With this ring I thee wed…

To have and to hold from this day forward,

for better,

for worse,

for richer,

for poorer,

in sickness,

and in health,

to love and to cherish,

till death do us part.”

With this exchange of vows, a newly married couple enters a fresh phase in their lives. The twosome, who dated for a few years, has been looking forward to this day. They both have successful careers, magical personalities and a lot in common. They lived-in during weekends, had romantic dinners and enchanting holidays. They had a lot of fun while dating and decided to tie the knot since things couldn’t get any better.

But the beginning of the end starts almost as soon as the honeymoon is over. While one cribs about the lack of attention, the other feels stifled in the relationship. Soon trivial matters became major issues and the couple decides to split up, barely a year into the marriage. No, this is not some celebrity couple from the pages of the glossies. It’s one of the 50% marriages in America that end in divorce

In a world of instant gratifications, we have become extremely short fused. It doesn’t take much to destroy our perfectly orchestrated lifestyle. We have begun to rely on fast food, fast money and fast cars so much so that divorce seems to be a fast solution to any problem arising in a marriage. Marriages end for trivial reasons like not putting the toilet seat down or leaving the lid off the toothpaste.

In an effort to diagnose why so many people are getting divorced, we found the major culprit – Dating. With every generation, as the age of dating goes down, the number of divorces goes up. They share an inversely proportional relationship. Let’s see where things go wrong while a couple is dating:

The Wooing Phase:

The beginning of any romance is, for the lack of a better word, romantic. The late nights and constant phone calls. The chocolates, the roses. The champagne and expensive dinners. These things constantly validate the fact that the couple is in love. It’s an image created in our minds by the movie moguls. Hardly any one shows us what happens after the ever so perfect romance is traded in for holy matrimony. The younger the couple, the rosier their outlook towards the future. Once this image is complete in our mind we head towards phase two.

The get-to-know-each-other phase:

A couple of months into the relationship, the initial buzz has died down. The couple gets to know each other – their likes, dislikes, pet peeves etc. They still, however, put their best foot forward and continue to make the effort to be charming, funny and spend each waking moment with each other. While the snoring in the sleep, leaving dirty laundry around and possessiveness is termed as “cute” before, after marriage these very things are annoying and are very often, deal breakers as well.

The Let’s-get-married phase:

This is the rosiest period in the courtship. You think you know everything about each other and can’t wait to rush into matrimony. A woman has been planning her wedding since the day she was 12 and the man is the final piece of the puzzle. Most people do not take the time to stop and think about all the implications of being married. Footloose and fancy-free life ends here and a more responsibility-filled mature part of life begins.
And then people get married. Can’t get along. Fight. Nag. Get divorced.
They say love is blind but marriage is an eye opener. If you are careful and follow these tips during the dating phase, divorce can be avoided and dating can be the revelation, instead.

Don’t be afraid of confrontation:

Most couples avoid getting into fights over issues that are dear to them, during the time they are dating. They only get a couple of hours to spend with each other so most people relent rather than upset the apple cart and get into a heated argument. Even if they are living together, after work most people just don’t have enough energy left to fight it out. Once the marriage vows are taken, the kid gloves come off and the small issues wind up being blown out of proportion.

Compatibility check:

A six-pack or a big rack isn’t a parameter for a compatibility check. Make sure you know each other’s future plans and that your goals are in line with each others. The number of kids you both want or if you wants kids at all, who is going to take care of them and where you want to live? Who trades in their coupe for a station wagon? If one of you gets a better job in another city, is the other one is willing to move? There is a whole lot you need to know, other than just his/her favorite color.

Nip it in the bud:

If there are issues like excessive drinking, random verbal/physical abuse, philandering, and disrespect for individuality which includes you not being able to see your friends without world war III erupting at home, these should be nipped in the bud. Have it out in one discussion, see if you can work around it or shelve the relationship altogether, depending on the issue. It is hard to change someone’s trend of thought or personality in a matter of months- but it’s not impossible.

Communicate:

One can’t stress this point enough. Whatever is on your mind make sure you talk it out with your partner. It is not just essential but crucial. Sometimes misunderstandings are created out of nothing, i.e. you get a new haircut and your partner doesn’t notice. You assume it’s because he doesn’t care enough but actually he has just found out that his boss plans to give him the boot. Communication clears the air and keeps a romance fresh.

In the end however, you need to realize that the best person to spend your life with is obviously the one with who you can be yourself. Your life-partner should be your best friend. The basic rule of friendship is exactly what applies to a strong and ever-lasting marriage. Base your marriage on a strong foundation and you can make sure that you will be together “till death does do you part”.