Battle of the Bulge

Hello and thanks for stopping by. Now you have heard that phrase before, haven’t you? So have I. We belong to the subspecies ‘Fattus humongus’. We sit up and take notice every time a lifestyle magazine or an ad on the Internet tells us the ways to lose weight. But the minute the aroma of a freshly made chocolate donuts wafts in, the resolve to burn those calories wafts out. Indefinitely. That is till we see another one of those ads. The thing with us is that we are lazy. It’s as plain and simple as that. We want to wear those low-slung hipsters with the miniscule bikini tops but sadly don’t have the shape to carry it off. So what do we do? We sit and sulk. We sulk about not meeting the right men who would appreciate us for who we are, calling them superficial SOB’s. . The funny thing is that we abuse the temple that is our body and expect someone else to worship it. That’s not about to happen in this lifetime. No it a’int. We sulk about not finding the perfect dress in our sizes. We sulk for not getting that job or the big raise. And then we bury our faces in crepes with ‘extra’ nutella sauce and double scoops of ice cream.


When was the last time you saw a fashionably thin and reasonably healthy person at a fast food joint like Hardees and KFC? I presume you know the reason why. Water retention as a probable cause only counts for five days, what’s your excuse for the rest of the 25?

In the age of instant gratification, we always look for simpler and faster solutions to all our problems. Feel Hungry, pop in to pizza joint or better still grab some burgers. Need to travel around the block, get out the car. Why read the book, if it’s interesting someone will make a movie out of it? Effortless existence is a meaningless existence. That is not what you were looking to hear, were you? You were looking for a quick recipe for FIRM ABS. Well keep reading, I will get to that part in a bit. We look for quick easy and effective ways to shed the flab. Where in the sad fact is there aren’t any. You’re still reading this? Looking for a simple solution from this article, and me, is it? Well like I said earlier, there aren’t any.

Except things I have discovered along the path paved with many fad diets and exercise regimens. What I have discovered is extremely simple and the answer lies in looking inside you. Exploring reasons you put on that extra weight. Learning to visualise yourself as the healthy person you want to be and working towards it. That is one thing we lack, determination. Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek. Determination and perseverance move the world; thinking that others will do it for you is a sure way to fail. So move that Ass. Haul it outside and start walking. Begin with as little as 10 minutes a day and then keep increasing it. Work on building up your self-esteem. Learn to embrace your individuality and love yourself. Get a theme song like Ally in Ally McBeal. Do something, anything, except sit and mope around like a fat cow. Coz that’s really going to get you nowhere. I know, I belong to the ‘Fattus humongus’ subspecies too, remember.

Nothing and no one can help you unless you have the will and determination. Simple things like making a routine. Small things like deciding what you should and shouldn’t stock in your refrigerator, switching regular soda with diet soda, white bread with brown bread and walking till the grocer’s shop are things that will help. The other things that I have found helpful are waking up to a glass of lukewarm water with a little lemon and honey in it. Drinking grapefruit juice. Having a healthy breakfast, decent lunch and soups or salads for dinner. Search the Internet for the Atkins diet and follow it. Walking with the image of Beyonce doing ‘crazy in love’ in your mind. It needn’t be in the morning. I know I can’t walk early in the morning. I don’t even surface till about 7.30am when my office starts at 8 am. Take the time out when you are comfortable. You’ll be amazed how a quick walk interspersed with jogging can make you feel alive again. This, again, is not a quick fix solution. An hour of walking is minimum at least 4 to 5 days a week. Even a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And the things I have spoken about here are not things you didn’t know about earlier. But they are the small things you didn’t put into practise. Why? What are you waiting for , CHRISTMAS?

It’s like getting a root canal done. The procedure is painful but it’s pure bliss afterwards. So in a month or two from now when you fit into these hot pants or swim in those jeans you are wearing now, drop me a line and we’ll exchange notes. Who knows I might even learn a thing or two from you.

P.S. Chocolate Doughnut anyone?